To lose it all before Your Very Eyes
by ebony-winged-angel
Summary: Following the untimely death of Shori, Kurama finds himself passing the margin of sanity and madness. He starts to experience hallucinations; horrific images begin plague his every moment. Fact become Fiction, and truth becomes a thing of the past.
1. without correspondence

**Warnings**: None so far.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho and any of it characters. **

"To lose it before Your Very Eyes"

Chapter One: Hearing but not to seeing, senses without correspondence.

The sky was supposed be gray with storm clouds looming over head; it supposed have been dreary, and dark. It was supposed match how Kurama felt on today, the day of his mother's funeral. Instead of dark and dreary the sky there was bright and cloudy less.

_It's as if weather was mocking her. _Kurama thought bitterly, as he stared out of the window of the small limo. _Funerals aren't supposed to be on happy, cheery days filled with children laughing and having fun, not on days were people go out to enjoy the weather, not on days that she loved most…_

Kurama was knocked out of his reverie as the limo came to stop. _Here we are, time to say goodbye to mother. _His stepfather and stepbrother got out of the car first, and Kurama followed in a mechanical way, his body seemed to move with him only being vaguely aware of it. His mind seemed to trail off in to another world, a world filled with memories of Shori, memories of when he was little, of trips to the park, bedtime stories, and holidays. He had no idea how he was ever going to fair without Shori, she kept him sane, and alive she was his reason for being here.

Many people came to the funeral, many of which Kurama had never even seen before now. He silently wished that this could have been more of private occasion with only family and close friends. Yuusuke and the other members of the Reikai Tantei were also present, even Hiei. That naturally shocked him; he knew that Hiei had never met Shori formally, so Kurama came to the conclusion that Hiei must have felt the obligated to go.

As the priest said number of prays, Kurama fought to keep his emotions at bay he had to be strong if not for himself but Shori. She like any parent would never want him to cry, not even for her. He stared at the casket spray that rested upon the polished, bleached white casket; he didn't dare look directly at the casket, the whole thought of his mother in the furnished box six feet under, made his stomach churn.

A single tear slid down his cheek, it wasn't fair, he needed her! She was the reason why he kept up his human façade. She kept him sane. She was the reason why he was willing to give his life to the _Forlorn Hope _for her well being when she had suffered for her life treating illness.

Then it struck him, and when it did he would have laughed it hadn't been such a morbid occasion. She was destined to die, and no matter times he prolonged it. He cheated her out of death once and there was would be not second time. She was gone now, and he would have to accept that.

The priest went on telling how Shori lived a happy life and how she touched the lives of many. Behind Kurama, Keiko let out sob as she buried her head into Yuusuke's shoulder. Yuusuke wrapped his arm around her, and kissed the crown her head to try and console her, but his attempts were only in vain.

Kurama stared straight a head at the casket spray again, the action was attempt to block out the sounds of others crying, the words of the priest, to block out the world. Flowers always had a calming affect on him, no matter how irritated, how miserable he was, but this time the flowers failed him. The carnations, spider mums and roses brought him no comfort, no relief and no peace.

Kurama closed his eyes tightly to prevent tears for spilling over but somehow then got past his eyelids, and slowly made their way down his face on to his lap. He made no motion to wipe them away. Why bother? They would just keep falling. With his eyes still closed he tuned out everyone around him.

He sat there reminiscing about trips to the beach, building sand castles with her. He remembered wadding through the water with her, clenching her hand tighter when a wave threatened to knock him over.

In his mind the beach seemed to fade in to park. He watched as his younger version of himself, hide behind a great oak tree. The vast tree shadowed the surrounding ground, patches of the golden light form the sun the openings in the leaves, illuminated the shadowed grass. He watched as his mother walked around looking for his younger self.

"_Shuuichi! Oh, where are you Shuuichi?" Shori said in a mock-worried voice, for she knew exactly where Shuuichi was hidden. She had seen his arm a from behind the tree, but she decided to play along with his game._

_Kurama placed a hand over his mouth to muffle his fit of giggles, she was going to be so suspired when he jumped out from behind the tree. As Shori approached closer to the tree, Kurama jumped out from behind the tree and screamed, "BOO! Shori took a small step back placed a hand over her heart and made a surprised face._

"_Oh, there you are!" she said smiling._

"_Yup, did I scare you?" Kurama asked hopefully._

"_Yes you did Shuuichi! I never been so scared before, and with that said do you think you can tune down the scariness just a bit?" _

"_Okay mom, I will." Kurama replied with a small grin. _

Kurama smiled softly at memory and prayed silently that he would not have to leave and go back to reality, but just a soon as he had thought of that, the memory started slip away, fading way into darkness. '_No!' _Kurama's mind screamed. '_Please don't go!' _he begged, but sure enough it did ending with the sound of his mother's laugh, the laugh that he had loved so much.

The silence of his mind engulfed Kurama, but it wasn't silent for long. It was faint a first, but quickly grew louder, almost frantic. It was the noise scratching, Kurama's brow knotted in confusion, where was that noise coming form?

As scratching became louder, snapped his eyes open and scanned his surrounds franticly.

_It's not coming from me behind, not_ _from my left, not from my right, its most befo- _Kurama out himself off his as his eyes widened. The noise was coming from the casket. The scratching had become so loud, it sounded as if it right next to his ear. Suddenly a voice a arose from the casket,

"_Oh my god! Someone help me please! I can't die here, please! SOMEONE! Shuuichi, help me! OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!"_ the voice was unmistakably Shori's.

_This can't be…she's dead. _Kurama thought, he searched his brain for a reasonable explanation to this but nothing would come.

"_SHUUICHI, PLEASE HELP ME! I CAN'T DIE HERE!" _Shori's screams became frantic and mingled with sobs of helplessness.

Kurama glanced around, how could no one hear this! Shori was screaming for help, and if he didn't do something she'd be buried alive! Kurama stood abruptly, cause others to stare at him, and the priest stop what he was saying and stared questionably at Kurama.

"Sit down, Shuuichi." His stepfather said quietly but forcefully.

But the command fell to death ears as Kurama ran over to the casket, Yuusuke and Kuwabara followed after. Standing in front of the casket, Kurama then threw the casket spray off the top it, sending flowers flying in every which direction. He could hear people running toward him, and he could hear the gasps of others but he won't stop, not until he got Shori out of there.

He's hands searched over around the side of the casket desperately trying to find a way to open it, finally he found it and opened the opened the lid her realizing his mothers pale, still, dead face.

"No" Kurama whispered, as he backed away from the casket and into Yuusuke and Kuwabara. Kuwabara placed his hand on Kurama's shoulder, but Kurama shrugged it off.

"I heard her! She was screaming for someone!" Kurama screamed as he ran back to the casket. He looked over his mother face and again it was still, who could this be? He heard her!

Yuusuke and Kuwabara came up behind him and grabbed him by the arms and pulled him away for the casket. Kurama didn't protest he didn't even realize he was being pulled away; all he could think of was those screams.

"_Goodbye Shuuichi." _

The last thing kurama heard was someone scream something and then the world faded in to black.

A/N: Alright that was the first installment of my little fanfiction. I'm praying it was a too much of, or a cliché of some sort. I was going for a more psychological type story, something about the mind and something that shock/ surprise you, I hope I at least got you interested for more, and if I didn't…oh well I guess…

Next chapter should be up soon so expect more! The next chapter will go more into Shori's death, or will it…you just have to read to find out, heh.

Oh, yes before I forget, please review if you have a chance. Your comments really help me grow as a writer, so if you can then please do so and if you don't that's okay because I shall continue with or without your support.


	2. truth and integration

Disclaimer: If owned YYH do you actually think I would be writing this, no of course not. Instead I would be rolling around in my millions of dollars. Okay, okay, just to give it to you straight, Yu Yu Hakusho is neither my property nor my creation.

Chapter Two: truth and integration

**XxXx**

The ex-Reikai Tantei sat gathered at Kurama's house, in his living room to be precise. They had done many times here before; it was one of their meeting places where they would devise a plan for assigned mission.

Today however, was different. Today there was no mission. The missions had ended two years ago. They were gathered there to make sure Kurama was okay, for at the moment the fox Youkai was laid on the couch unconscious.

The former team seat silence, the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the mental piece was the only noise that penetrated it.

Silence.

It was very out of character notion for this group. On any other occasion Kuwabara and Hiei would be at each others necks, Yusuke would have been the loud with a sarcastic come back on hand, and Kurama….

Kurama would have been level-head one that kept Hiei and Kuwabara form tearing each other up, the one who made sure Yuusuke was thinking rationally. He was the one that held the calmness and tranquility to their accustom noise.

Kuwabara gave a quick glance at his wristwatch and sighed, while Hiei stared detached out the window.

Yuusuke attempted to occupy himself by staring at the coffee table in front of him. It was neatly arranged, a small assortment of flowers in directly in the middle of it, the week's TV-Guide was placed to the right with the TV's remote was placed on top of the guide.

Everything was right in its natural place…well almost everything.

Aggregately, Yuusuke raked his hands through his slicked back, raven hair. This lack of noise was unnerving, unbearable almost. Grabbing the _TV-Guide_, Yuusuke flipped wildly through its pages, crumpling some in the process.

The sound of ruffled pages cut through the silence like a hot knife in butter.

Kuwabara turned a looked him with an express that read 'what the hell are you doing'. Even Hiei turned his head to look that the source of the racket.

The ex-detective ignored their questioning stares and continued his noise-making, it was so much more pleasing that that god awful silence. His crumbling started to gain speed and with in seconds it was frantic type motion, like his life depended on it.

This was getting annoying. Leaning forward, Kuwabara snatched the _TV-Guide _out of Yuusuke's hands and set back on the coffee table, putting an end to the ridiculousness. Crumbling a perfectly good guide, what was wrong with him!

Following this, the awkward silence encircled them once again.

**XxXx**

Many times during his periods of unconscious time Kurama would talk his Youko self. During these talks the two would become to separate beings, with in his mind that is.

The redhead stood as a representative for his human side of himself, he was referred as Shuuichi. The silver haired youko self would represent the demonic side; this self was referred as Kurama. In the conscious world the two fused just called Kurama.

These conversations took place what appeared as in pitch-black room, when either of the two selves materialized, a thin stream of white, from under them, would illuminate their features.

Their talks here were at times trivial, other times they held importance. This was one of those times when communication was necessary.

"Why did that happen?" Shuuichi questioned the silver fox. "Why did I hear those calls?"

Kurama smirked inward at Shuuichi's naïve questions. It was so simple really; it was youko's doing that was caused the hallucination. It was no secret that the fox wanted out, that he wanted to total control have consciousness of the body that Shuuichi and himself inhabited.

The fox wanted his freedom back, both knew that, but for that to happen, the human body would have to die, or when near death. The Shuuichi's mental barriers need to significantly weakened or destroyed for the fox to take total control over the body.

The only problem was that this for this to happen, it could possibly take seven maybe eight decades.

Sure eight decades was perhaps only to a fourth of a demon's lifespan, but Kurama had never been the patient type.

He was never been the kind to sit by idly when things could be done. Not when treasures could be stolen, or when women could be seduced, and territories could be claimed. Those were his motivation for a plan of his escape, he had wasted far too much time already living with Shuuichi's world, under his rule, forced to live by his morals.

The time had come for him to rid himself of Shuuichi's pestering existence. Being the clever fox he was, Kurama so found a way to go around this waiting, and it was a quite simple plan too.

His plan was that by using his demonic powers, his spiritual aura, he could slowly wear down the corpus callosum never fibers and destroy most of the tissue of the cerebral cortex of Suuichi's brain. **1**

By doing so, Kurama could impair the Shuuichi's abilities of thought, reasoning and perception. Weakening his mental barriers to a point where they would be completely vulnerable to a mental assault from the fox demon.

The whole wearing down of the nerves would take some time; possibly take a month or two, for the mind to reach such a weakened state, luckily for the fox, he started the process two weeks in advance.

And as for the hallucinations Shuuichi was being to experience, they were just an unavoidable side affect that caused by the wearing down process. _Auditory hallucinations_, along with _visual hallucinations_ were bond to occur. There was no going around them, and besides this made process _so_ much more fun.

The fox suddenly became aware that Shuuichi was waiting for an answer form him; he turned his intense, gold, gaze toward the redhead before saying anything he quickly sized up his human counterpart, this was almost too easy.

"You, Shuuichi, experienced those illusions because your mind and body are under an immense amount of grief and stress. In some senses this is a natural behavior human go through after they lose a loved one." Kurama lied.

With all his years of thievery he had acquired the with such precision, that on some occasions he himself having trouble weaving the true form the fabrications of his own lies.

Shuuichi started thoughtfully the sliver fox, for some reason he had the sinking felling that the fox was hiding something, but he decided against that thought and nodded in replied to the fox's answer. It did sound very reasonable, so why not trust the other being that inhabited his body?

"Now, I believe it is time when we put an end to this trivial questioning a return to world of consciousness, before your _friends_ began to over suspect something is wrong." Kurama added.

"Right." Shuuichi said some what skeptical, something just didn't feel right. It was either that, or Shuuichi was being paranoid, and somehow the thought of the two didn't sit well with him at the moment.

There so much on his mind at that moment, like how he would face the others after that little episode he had? How could he assure them that he was fine and that everything was okay, when he, himself, had no idea what was wrong?

Shuuichi let out a defeated sigh, there was only on way find out and that was to face them and hope for the best. His friends were understanding people, they wouldn't bombard with questions, not when he was still grieving over Shori's lose. They'd give him time and space…wouldn't they?

Shuuichi gave a final glance to Kurama, who in return gave him a somewhat reassuring glance, and a focused his spirit energy so could he regained consciousness.

Unnoticed from behind Shuuichi, Kurama smirked darkly.

_This is too easy. _That was Kurama thought as he faded into the darkness of Shuuichi's mind.

**XxXx**

Yuusuke and Kuwabara watched keenly as Kurama's eyes fluttered open, he glanced around for a moment, confused as to where he was. Slowly, he pulled himself in to an upright position on the couch.

During that motion Kurama realized that he in his living room, sitting on his couch, and that Yuusuke, Kuwabara and Hiei where there but not his step-father or brother.

He looked around the room quickly, he trying to get an idea out what time it was. Judging form the shadowed loomed on the bleached walls, he assumed it was around 6:00 maybe 6:30 at night. The funeral was at 10 am, he had been out for almost seven hours.

"Hey man, welcome back." Yuusuke said placing a hand on Kurama's shoulder.

"Where is everyone?" he inquired groggily.

"Your stepfather and brother are at Shuuichi's aunt's house." Kuwabara replied.

Kurama couldn't help but fell bit hurt even though he had expected it. Ever since Shori's death his stepfather and he hadn't seen eye to eye. It was expected though, Shori had way with keeping everything together and without her all the pieces of Kurama's life were falling apart.

Yuusuke noticed Kurama's slightly hurt expression and decided to change the subject.

"So, what happened back there, at the funeral?"

Kurama's eyes widened at the question, it was the one thing he dread most at the moment.

"I don't really know." Kurama answered truthfully. He sighed and leaded back into the couch, he was in no mood for an interrogation session.

"Come on, Kurama you have to have some idea about what happened. What did you see? What did you-"

"Yuusuke, look it's getting late I know all of you have things to do, I not going to keep you from them. I mean I appreciate you guys waiting around for me and all, but I'd think it's best if you leave now." Kurama interjected.

Yuusuke opened his mouth to protest but Kuwabara grabbed his arm and shook he head. Kurama had been through enough today, and he didn't need any of them prying into his problems, yet anyways.

"Okay if that really what you want Kurama, then we'll go right, Urameshi?" Kuwabara said as he stood but to leave.

"Yeah…" Yuusuke answered unsure of Kuwabara's motive was, Kurama need their help and Kuwabara was letting Kurama push them away.

_He sure as hell better know what he's doing_. Yuusuke thought bitterly.

As the two humans exited out the door, Hiei who remained during the whole conversation, jumped the of the window sill to followed the boys. He stood in a mid way stride as turned to give a fleeting glance at Kurama. The fox demon sat slumped on the couch, in a fatigued manner, his eyes were closed and his right hand was rested upon his temple. It was an extremely uncharacteristic stance for the redhead.

There was no doubt about it; something was eating away at Kurama, but the answer was simple, grief. The demon-turned-human was grieving over the loss of his human "mother", it was a concept that Hiei believed he'd never understand. Why get worked up over something a trivial as a human life? Their lives were over in the blink of eye, this would teach the fox not to get attached.

His was years of solitude and loneliness had hardened Hiei's heart, but he wasn't heartless, well not completely. He just had no compassion for humans, they an inferior race opposed to the superior demonic race.

With that thought in mind he disappeared in his customary blur of black, swiftly departing from house.

**XxXx**

**1 **This is just to explain what I described earlier I pretty sure this information correct but I could be mistaken:

_corpus callosum_ – thick bands of nerve fibers that connect the two hemispheres of the brain.

_cerebral cortex – _the tissue of that makes up the outer layer of the brain. The cereberal cortex functions include, thought, voluntary movement, language, reasoning and perception

Other terms used:

_Auditory hallucinations – _hallucinations in which one hears voices, these voices can range from the person's, friends even deceased loved ones. (note this type of hallucination was introduced in chapter one

**XxXx**

**A/N: **So what do think? The chapter was originally nine pages in_ Word _but I decided to break it up into two chapters instead of one big one. That also means that the next chapter is done. I just want to see the public's reaction before I post the next installment.

I know it's been a very loooong time since I last updated but there's been a lot going right now, and I haven't had much time to write to please bare with me here.

Special thanks to:

_Magus Black_

_Honeychica04_

_ImmortalOfGoodness_


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